Late realisation
by Avid fangirl for life
Summary: Regina lies about loving Emma and Emma finds out. Regina realises her feelings a little too late.


A/N: so I know this isn't any good but it came into my head and I just really had to write it as quickly as possible.

She told you to stay away from her, she told you that she never wanted to see you again. You remember the look on her face when she realised that the life you had together was all just a lie. You think about the fact that you were the cause of that look and you wan to do yourself a personal injury again and again. All you want is to try and explain how you had thought it had all been a lie too, you had thought that when this day would come (and you knew it would come, eventually) you would feel nothing but satisfaction at the look upon her face, but that it had not been the case. No matter how much you might want it to be, even now.

Or at least that's what you had told yourself. You still know that you're not quite ready to admit out loud that when the door slammed behind her your heart may as well have been crushed beneath her boots. You know that you're not ready to admit that the second the door closed you collapsed in on yourself and couldn't quite manage to stand on your own. You're not ready to admit that you can no longer live without her because she is so deeply ingrained within your being that it hurts not having her with you. You're not ready to admit that she is now your most pleasant habit and one that you know you'll ever be ready to unlearn at that. You know that you're not ready to admit these things to her but you know that if you want to keep her and marry her like you were supposed to then you need to swallow your pride and admit all of these things.

You're not even sure if she'll believe you any more. Who knows? If you think about it you don't really deserve having her understand but you do know that she loves you even if it is twisted of you to still have a right to that after what you've done to her.

The problem is you, Regina Mills, do not know how to tackle telling the woman that you love that you were so busy living a lie of your own concoction that you couldn't see what was right before you the whole time. Not even when she was stood before you with tears streaming down her face asking you to explain, not even then, you didn't realise until a second too late. Not until the door had already slammed and her car had started when suddenly you could see things in perfect clarity. Just a second after you had let her slip straight between your fingers.

It had all started for one reason, you needed a sure proof way to keep Henry and so you started to make Emma Swan fall in love with you. You took her on dates, making sure that you always paid, you had sex with her and over time that had become love making, you asked her to move in with you and Henry on your year anniversary and a year later, under your apple tree you asked her to marry you. It's been six months since then and your wedding was supposed to be less than a month away and now you're pretty sure you've lost her for good.

You could blame it all on Gold because that would be both easy and not a total lie. It wouldn't assuage your guilt or give you a reason for every thing you've done though. You only wish that you had different motives from the starting point.

It's been an hour since you got here and you're pretty sure that Emma isn't going to show now. You told her that if she wanted an explanation she would have to meet you at your bench by the beach. You still have three weeks until your wedding, you've only spent two days with out her and you know you both look and feel like crap. You don't know how you're going to do this every day for the rest of you're life if she doesn't agree to let you show her.

You're about t give up, it's been three hours and it's been pouring it down for an hour and a half when you feel an umbrella over your head and her voice telling you to budge up. For a moment you allow yourself to smile at the familiar feeling of her looking after you before you remember why you're here.

She sits next to you and it takes less than a second for you to be burning with the urge to burrow into her side and grasp at her hand. You don't allow yourself to hope for that, you don't even allow yourself to look at her. You feel the tears fall down your face and you hear her say something about how you look like crap. You chuckle and you feel her hand wipe the tears away and then retract as though burned and your lip wobbles as you fight back the sobs.

You know she's studying you so you take a deep breath and you start to explain. You tell her about your plan to make her fall in love with you so you could make sure you would always keep Henry. You tell her about how every thing had been going well and how you wouldn't let yourself analyse any feelings you held, because if you did you knew what you would have found. You tell her about how when you proposed you were so happy and you couldn't explain why. You tell her about how you realised, less than a second after she was out of the door, just how in love with her you really were. You tell her about how scared you were about today and you tell her about how you only did it because she deserves an explanation and much better than you but that you are more sorry than you've ever been in all of your life and that you can prove it. Then your rambling and she shuts you up with a kiss.

Something happens and though you're about as far from fixed as you can get you know that she's forgiven you in that moment because that's who she is and that's how she works.

You get married when you were supposed to and it's not perfect but you couldn't ask for more even if you could.


End file.
